Sitting down for a scary movie marathon is always a good time, but by the time that third or fourth movie rolls around, everyone in the room is a critic and everyone in the movie is a complete idiot. Before you know it, you’re no longer screaming in fear but actually screaming at the people and the ridiculous decisions they are making that ultimately lead to their deaths.
Since it’s Halloween, I’ve gathered 10 classic moves that scary movie characters love to pull that make us all look like this:
1. Deciding to make a run for it
How many times has this happened? After being tormented in a house for who knows how long, the character finally finds their way out only to decide to make a run for it instead of attempting to get in one of the many cars lining the driveway. Of course, they’re always on a farm or some isolated plot of land so they never make it that far because obviously, every one of these killers can teleport wherever they want.
This decision also tends to lead to #2…
2. Forgetting how to run in general
For some reason, once the character starts running it’s like they completely forget how to be a normal competent human being. Here are the rules of running away from a serial killer in a scary movie that everyone chooses to ignore:
A) Wear shoes (I’m looking at you Liv Tyler from The Strangers)
B) SPRINT, don’t dilly dally!
C) Don’t keep looking over your shoulder, it slows you down and then you aren’t paying attention, which always leads to point D.
D) Don’t trip.
3. Splitting Up
Classic. You can’t have a movie about a group of friends without someone suggesting that they split up, making it easier for whatever killer is around to pick them off.
4. Assuming the killer is dead
All it takes is one fall down the stairs for everyone to be like “Well, that’s it. He’s dead, let’s go home”. No, no he is not dead. He is very much alive and will come to kill you all in the soon to be created sequels. If you don’t want to kill him at least keep an eye on him until help arrives!
5. Hiding in the closet
I totally get that these people don’t really have time to think of a genius hiding spot, but you have to know that the closet is the literal first place the killer will look for you. The same goes for under the bed. Honestly, you probably have a better chance of survival just hiding behind the door to the room they’re going to barge into.
6. Forgetting that lights exist
Just turn on the lights or stick to heavily populated, well-lit areas, it’s really that simple. In Lights Out, you couldn’t be attacked by the vengeful spirit if the lights were on, yet people still kept them off!
7. Forgetting a Cell Phone
This one is getting harder and harder for movies to get away with, but it still exists. People bring their phones with them everywhere these days, including into the bathroom, so I don’t believe for a second that you just “forgot your phone” in the car or at home in any situation. Although, speaking as a person whose phone battery is nearly dead every day I would probably be this person in a scary movie.
8. Not moving out of a clearly haunted house
This happens all the time. The house is clearly haunted, the children are clearly in danger, there’s a history of similar situations happening, yet the family does not leave. I understand the financials of it all or not wanting to leave your dream home, but when the signs are there, get the heck out!
9. Not checking the car before getting into it
When there is a psycho killer on the loose just do a quick check of the car before you get into it. Just real quick poke your head in the back seat and make sure. However, props to them for actually trying to use the car, unlike the fools in #1.
10. Investigating a weird noise
If you are in a somewhat safe place, please do not venture off into the woods or into the basement to investigate a strange noise, and please do not do this alone. Sure, the guy most likely wants to look like a knight in shining armor, but never in any logical world is it a good decision to go check out a scary noise in an already tense situation. Just leave it alone or run the complete opposite direction.
Having studied Media & Writing at James Madison University, I always knew that I wanted to do some type of creative writing, but being able to write about zombies, Starks, and superheroes on a daily basis for Fan Fest is my actual dream. While I probably shouldn’t be as proud as I am to be so similar to Nick Miller, I do hope to one day write my own “Pepperwood Chronicles’.