An Anti-Valentine’s Movie Guide to Valentine’s Day
Published on February 14th, 2019 | Updated on February 14th, 2019 | By FanFest
Sometimes on Valentine’s Day we are not in the mood to watch fluff. The romantic comedies we find ourselves buying into throughout the year fall short on the day for some singles. Though sometimes couples want to watch something slightly different as well. They do not buy into the hype surrounding the numerous romantic comedies to pick from every year. Instead they look for the latest horror film or action feature released in theaters. Maybe instead of heading out and fighting the crowds though one wants to stay in for the evening. Plenty of options ranging from relationships gone wrong, horrific encounters, killer couples, and relationships cause us to take a deeper look at our friend exist. If you’re looking for something a little different this Valentine’s Day then look no further. Here are ten viewing options for you to enjoy an Anti-Valentine’s Day.
Oddly enough I still remember going to the theater to see this film. They would not let us go in unsupervised, even though we were sixteen and had seen far worse cinema by then, and my mom had to tag along to this horror film. A horror film that turned into a horror comedy for us thanks to my dear companion Matt. He made so many jokes about this B-movie that we had a grand time as did the people around us. Instead of getting kicked out by the ushers we ended up having ushers come sit near us for his jokes. Despite the cheesy nature of this particular horror film, Valentine is an enjoyable horror film as five women are stalked while prepping for Valentine’s Day. The film stars David Boreanaz, Denise Richards, and Marley Shelton and also features Grey’s Anatomy alums Jessica Capshaw and Katherine Heigl. What more do you need to know about this forgotten horror gem?
I feel like in many ways this is an anti romantic comedy at its finest. Once upon a time this is one of the many films I watched late night thanks to a movie channel. Ever since I attempt to watch this every Valentine’s Day to remind myself it is better to not be in a relationship than be in a toxic relationship like the one ultimately displayed between Seth (French Stewart) and Chelsea Bridgette Wilson-Sampras). Why? Because of high expectations of a proposal. Chelsea and Seth make it a mission to put each other through the wringer and do so in ways that I could never even venture up in my subconscious. The film showcases what a relationship can be at its worst and will make one laugh at the antics between this couple and their friends that get dragged into various scenarios with them. We also learn the right way to pronounce Gracie.
My Bloody Valentine
Whether you go with the original version or the remake starring Jensen Ackles this film gives a new meaning to why sending a box of chocolates is not the best option to go with on Valentine’s Day. The original is far more maniacal. The deaths that occur and the plotting come out as far more brutal despite the feature landing on many guilty pleasure horror film lists. The 2009 venture focuses more on the story of Tom and the big reveal at the end. Either way, the film end on notes that will leave the viewer shocked and wondering what ultimately becomes of the killers at the end of both features. Does the killer come back for one last scare? As no sequels exist to either feature we will never know, but it does not make me want to venture inside an abandoned mine in the town of Valentine Bluffs any time soon.
The Loved Ones
Poor Lola Stone (Robin McLeavy). All she wanted was to go to the dance with Brent (Xavier Samuel). How dare he politely refuse her advances and want to go with his girlfriend Holly (Victoria Thaine). Let me warn that this horror film is not for the faint of heart and most would probably lump it within the torture porn sub genre of horror movies. The Loved Ones offers complexity and provides extreme psychological horror for those who dare to view the feature. This is a film that becomes etched in one’s mind for some time after the initial viewing. The marks that Lola brands us with are ones that have her claiming us forever even though we are mere bystanders to her reign of pure terror.
Natural Born Killers
Mickey (Woody Harrelson) and Mallory (Juilette Lewis). The couple that kills together stays together. While no one should adopt this motto, this is the motto the two embraced as they entered into a killing spree across the country. They needed to have people remember the horrendous details of their crime sprees. This couple is the definition of sick and twisted. The crimes they commit are heinous. Instead of seeking a couple’s counselor they simply need to seek counseling. The film is also riddled with numerous stars that help guide the story along including Robert Downey Jr. and Tommy Lee Jones. This is another feature not for the faint of heart, but is one of Oliver Stone’s best films.
Bonnie and Clyde
This is another film that features a couple committing crimes together. While far tamer than Natural Born Killers, Bonnie and Clyde pushed the rating system to its limit upon release. Most people did not want to give it the credit that it deserved because audiences deemed the film as too violent among many film circles. It was not until Pauline Kael wrote her review that the film garnered the respect that the feature deserved. Bonnie and Clyde contains many nuances that quickly become a film student’s dream. The studies one could delve into because of this dramatized version of true events of this killing couple is worth watching the film alone. The fascination of the couple has never gone away making the relationship that grows between the two ill fated lovers entertaining to watch all these years later.
Lars and the Real Girl
Though the film contains a love story within its celluloid, Lars and the Real Girl is quite different from any other love story one will view on Valentine’s Day. Viewers watch Lars (Ryan Gosling) introduce his family to Bianca and immediately become as worried about Lars psyche as his family. Audiences will worry, and justly so, as they learn that Bianca is a realistic sex doll. We take a journey through Lars psyche for the duration of the film and wonder what we would do if were in the shoes of his family. The acting within the feature is nothing short of phenomenal and the film deserves more praise than it has received over the years. Lars and the Real Girl truly makes one examine life itself and reminds us not to judge a book by its cover.
The stereotype that girls always fall for the bad boys comes into play in Fear. The film focuses on David McCall (Mark Wahlberg) and an extremely naive Nicole Walker (Reese Witherspoon). While at first David seems like the perfect guy, Nicole slowly realizes there’s more than meets the eye to the boy she loves. Audiences watch his obsession grow to unhealthy levels, to say the least, and we watch Nicole’s love for David turn into pure fear as her family attempts to protect Nicole from David’s downward spiral. Many memorable moments exist in this one including a rather intense roller coaster ride. It’s one of those films that will leave you talking with your friend for days after about what David did or did not do in the film. The film also reminds you that what might appear perfect on the outside may have something much darker and unappealing on the inside.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Joel (Jim Carrey) debates if he desires to keep his memories of his ex-girlfriend Clementine (Kate Winslet) as he agrees to undergo a procedure to rid himself of his heartbreak. The film we ask ourselves multiple questions. Is it really better to have loved and loss or to not have loved at all? What lengths would you go through to erase a past love? Is it worth it in the end? Eternal Sunshine on the Spotless Mind is a great alternative for this holiday because it reminds us that even if we have suffered that break up recently it’s not the end of the world. The world does not end when someone breaks up with us and more importantly even if that person did not value the relationship the way we did that relationship occurred to teach us something about ourselves. Plus we have all debated if erasing someone from our past would leave us better off.
Drag Me to Hell
Demons. Curses. Fire and brimstone. Oh my. Christine’s (Alison Lohman) life is going well until Sylvia Ganush (Lorna Raver) enters the bank one afternoon. Instead of blaming the owner, Ganush feels shamed by Christine and puts a curse on the young woman to make her beg like she had back inside of the bank. Christine’s boyfriend, Clay (Justin Long), attempts to help his girlfriend in any manner he knows how to help her get through the next three days with little knowledge from his girlfriend about what exactly is occurring within her life. The devotion Clay gives to Christine in this unorthodox love story truly pushes the envelope of the vows for better or worse making the one thing we certainly know is that Clay is a keeper.
Ultimately whether one wants to take part in a gore fest, laugh fest, or romance fest this Valentine’s Day, picking a film, or multiple films, one will not regret becomes more difficult every year. If you are not feeling Valentine’s Day this year or feel it is a mass produced holiday for the greeting card and chocolate companies of the world one of this movies might be right up your alley this holiday. Just remember that these features are far grittier or contain one too many curse words in comparison to the ones on this list. Regardless of the decision we hope this list made that decision making a little easier for you this Valentine’s Day.
What non-romantic comedy film do you plan on watching this Valentine’s Day? Is it one from this list? Is there one that you would add to the list as a must watch? Let us know in the comments below.
Michelle Patterson prides herself on her random pop culture knowledge. She finds great joy in all things horror related and tries to enjoy movies on a weekly basis. If she’s not at the theater, she can be found at a convention or a concert. To connect with her more, check out her Instagram page, Twitter Page, Facebook Page, or her website.