Ask Ana-Moly: “The Symbiote Kissed Me First!”

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Ever wonder what your favorite characters do offscreen when they don’t know what to do? They write to Ana-Moly, of course! The advice-giver to galaxies both near and far, Ana-Moly is crash-landing on FanFest.com every Monday, doling out advice to some of the multiverse’s biggest quandaries.

 

Dear Ana-Moly,

I had it all. A handsome fiancé (we’ll call him “Tim”), a great career, a nice townhouse in San Francisco that didn’t require us to have 8 roommates to afford, and even a cat! And then suddenly it was all gone. Tim made a really bad call and we both lost our jobs over it. I left him and took the cat, resolving to rebuild my life and forget about old whats-his-name. I found a new boyfriend, “Doug,” a new job, and even a new brand of cat food for the cat.

Then “Victor” entered the picture. Suddenly, Tim was back on my doorstep, begging for help and acting erratically. He kept making statements like, “Victor made it do this,” and “Victor made me do that,” and “Victor made me try to eat the cat,” but he couldn’t prove that Victor was real. Tim’s temper was out of control, and he sometimes showed inhuman bouts of strength. I tried not to get involved, but our years of shared history meant I couldn’t just walk away.

So I got Doug involved, as he’s a doctor, but Tim seemed beyond the help of modern medicine. Everything sort of spiraled out of control from there, which brings me to the point of this letter.

You see, I met Victor. I was in the woods in the middle of the night, trying to find Tim after his latest break with reality, when Victor seemingly dropped out of the sky. There was something so familiar about him, like we’d met a hundred times before. Maybe it was that instant connection, or maybe it was the rush of adrenaline we were both feeling, or maybe it was something else entirely. But suddenly Victor was kissing me, and I was kissing him back.

When I opened my eyes, I realized that it was Tim that I was kissing! Victor had disappeared entirely. So my question is this- what the hell? Was it Tim all along? Was it Victor and then Tim? And how do even begin to tell Doug? Please help! I’m worried that there will be a sequel to all of this soon.

Signed,

Is It Cheating If The Symbiote Kisses You First?

 

Dear IICITSKYF,

Actually, that’s a terrible name. It sounds like a cat coughing up a hairball (which is probably a sound you’re familiar with). I’m going to call you Ashley. Something tells me you have an A-type name.

Dear Ashley,

Yeah, it’s probably cheating. You kissed Victor/Tim back, and that’s not going to be welcome news to Doug. But don’t beat yourself up over it- it happens. We’ve all been in the woods in the middle of the night, confused about our feelings, confronted by a tall, dark, mysterious stranger, and we’ve all ended up kissing them passionately.

No, wait, no we haven’t. Because that would be wild. You acted wildly and now you have to deal with it. That’s rough, but you’re not without some good options here.

Option 1) You can believe that it was Victor kissing you. If so, congratulations- player 3 has now entered the game. Your decision boils down to who out of Victor, Tim, and Doug kisses the best and who is the least likely to eat your cat. (I’d strongly recommend giving that second part the more serious consideration. Being bad at kissing is forgivable. Eating your beloved pet for Sunday brunch is less so.)

Option 2) You can believe that it was Tim kissing you. You didn’t say how long you’ve been broken up, but it seems unlikely that you wouldn’t be able to recognize your former-fiancé’s face and kissing style, even in the dark. Still, adrenaline is a hell of a drug and stranger things have happened. At least to you. In this case, you have to decide if you liked that refresher enough to repeat it, or if Doctor Doug and his presumably more-stable life is the best choice for you. This also means you still haven’t actually met Victor yet, so you’re also going to have to make a judgment call on Tim’s claims about Victor.

Option 3) You can believe that it was both Victor and Tim kissing you. This option may require some identity-searching on your part, but you should probably be doing that no matter what option you choose to believe. You’ll still have to decide between Victor, Tim, and Doug, but now it’s not necessarily a “pick one” type of situation. It’s more of a “best two of out three.” (I’d still really recommend considering who has the most in common with you, dietary-wise, though.)

In any case, you should definitely have a conversation with Tim and Doug, and Victor if Tim can actually produce him. I know you’re worried about a sequel, but sequels aren’t always terrible. Sometimes they’re better than the originals, in fact. And sometimes, it’s Episode 3: Revenge of the Symbiote that turns out to be the best of a trilogy. (Note to readers: don’t @ me.) Listen to what they each have to say and go with what your gut tells you. But don’t let a fear of the unknown keep you from your soulmate(s).

With The Stars,

Ana-Moly

P.S. The cat probably shouldn’t be present for the group discussion, just in case.

 

Do you have a burning question for Ana-Moly? Submit it on Twitter using the #AskAnaMoly hashtag. Please remember that Ana-Moly is not bound by any temporal constraints and therefore no promises are made on the timeliness of a response.

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