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The 25 Best ‘Crazy Ex-Girlfriend’ Songs Ranked

The CW

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, the lovechild of Aline Brosh McKenna and Rachel Bloom comes to the end of it’s 4 season run tonight on The CW. Over the 4 years we’ve been given love triangles, new careers, amazing friendships but most of all, wonderful music. Currently the team have gifted us with 298 original songs, and I set out to decide which were the 25 best. This list actually orignally started as the 5 best, bet there’s just too many choices. Take a stroll down memory lane and listen to what I think are West Covina’s 25 best. And no, there is absolutely no #TeamGreg bias here whatsoever.

  1. Love Kernals

 

Episode: Where is Josh’s Friend?

Characters: Rebecca Bunch (Rachel Bloom)

Love Kernals appears in the first episode of Season 2, when Rebecca has left Greg and Josh has left Valencia. Unfortunately, it’s not quite as magical as their magic carpet ride at the end of Season 1, and Rebecca is left picking up tiny love kernals of affection from Josh wherever she can get them.

Best line: “Darryl is now played by a broom on a stand”

 

  1. I Could If I Wanted To

Episode: Josh’s Sister is Getting Married

Characters: Greg Sarrano (Santino Fontana)

Whoop dee fricking doo, the song could have been number 1, but who cares about number 1, Greg doesn’t.

Best line: “Although I guess it does if you care, Which I don’t! But I could! But I don’t!”

 

  1. First Penis I Saw

Episode: Getting Over Jeff

Characters: Paula Proctor (Donna Lynne Champlin)

Paula and Rebecca go back to Paula’s hometown and run in to a very important person from Paula’s past…

Best line: “Very First Penis!”

 

  1. We’ll Never Have Problems Again

Episode: Will Scarsdale Like Josh’s Shayna Punim?

Characters: Rebecca Bunch (Rachel Bloom) Josh Chan (Vincent Rodriguez III)

The perfect movie credits song, once you’ve found your true love, you’ll never have problems again, right?

Best line: “Our love has made us totes invincible”

 

  1. Don’t Be A Lawyer

Episode: I’m On My Own Path

Characters: Jim (Burl Moseley)

One of the funnest things about the evolution of Crazy Ex Girlfriend is how much the side characters have been allowed to develop and grow, leading to some great musical moments such as Don’t Be A Lawyer. But seriously, don’t. It sounds terrible.

Best Line: “What about human rights law? No money, no, no money! Environmental law? No money, even less money! Immigration law? No money plus it’s a bummer!”

 

  1. I Gave You a UTI

Episode: Why Is Josh in a Bad Mood?

Characters: Greg Sarrano (Santino Fontana)

Who would have thought a song about an uncomfortable medical condition would turn in to such a toe tapping hit? Greg’s excitement and Fontana’s commitment sell the piece.

Best line: “My penis is the reason you may die, die, die!”

 

  1. We Tapped That Ass

Episode: When Will Josh and His Friend Leave Me Alone?

Characters: Greg Sarrano (Santino Fontana) and Josh Chan (Vincent Rodriguez III)

A perfect accompaniment to I Gave You A  UTI, we have ghost Greg and Josh taunting Rebecca about all the fun they’ve had with her in her apartment. Should possibly win for best innuendos in a song.

Best line: “On the ottoman you took a lot of man!”

 

  1. I’m A Good Person

Episode: Josh and I Are Good People!

Characters: Rebecca Bunch (Rachel Bloom)

Sometimes you just gotta let the world know what a good person you are.

Best line: “Newflash douchebags, I’m a good person.”

 

  1. Love’s Not A Game

Episode: I Have a Date Tonight

Characters: Josh Wilson (David Hull) and Rebecca’s friends

This is the final group number of the entire season, and what a way to go out. The music, the flamboyance, the tap dancing. Fun, silly and exciting, exactly as it should be. Also, why have we not had WAY more White Josh numbers over the last 4 years?

Best line: “Love’s not a game, that being said, let’s make it rain!”

 

  1. Greg’s Drinking Song

Episode: When Will Josh See How Cool I Am?

Characters: Greg Sarrano (Santino Fontana) and The Crew

Inspired by old Irish pub songs, we get to hear some of the wilder tales from Greg’s drinking problem that we might have previously missed. That poor cat.

Best line: “Gather ye ’round, And I’ll tell you a tale, Of all the great times, I’ve had with an ale”

 

  1. The Buzzing from the Bathroom

Episode: To Josh, With Love

Characters: Tim (Michael McMillian)

After some awkward conversations with the women in the office, Tim comes to realise he might not be doing as good a job in the bedroom as he thinks. Bloom and Brosh McKenna have done a lot to discuss female sexuality in the series run, and this song was a highlight of how much more open talk is needed.

Best line: “I used to think I was a hero, can’t believe she didn’t come… to tell me that she needed, so much more than I could give.”

 

  1. Oh My God I Think I Like You

Episode: Why Is Josh in a Bad Mood?

Characters: Rebecca Bunch (Rachel Bloom)

Rebecca realises she’s got the feels for Greg, and not just in a sexual way.

Best line: “But I say no, no, no! This is just about sex! And no, no, no! Don’t be such a girl Becs!”

 

  1. I Go to the Zoo

Episode: Josh Is a Liar

Characters: Nathaniel Plimpton III (Scott Michael Foster)

It took a while for Nathaniel to find his groove in the show, and find a bigger purpose than being Rebecca’s mean yet somehow sexy boss. This song showcases his softer side, whilst still being an absolute banger and bonus, cute animals.

Best line: “I go the Aquarium, It’s like a zoo but it’s for fishies” (But honestly there’s so many great ones, “sayin’ ‘what’s up’ to kangaroos.My boys awake ’cause they nocturnal.” “My favorite is probably the cheetahs, but I ain’t messin’ with no zebra.”)

 

  1. Sex with a Stranger

Episode: I’m Going on a Date with Josh’s Friend!

Characters: Rebecca Bunch (Rachel Bloom)

Who hasn’t taken someone home and then obsessed over whether they may or may not be a murderer?

Best line: “Hey sexy stranger, come back to my place, And I hope you’re not a murderer! Kiss me, baby, all over the place, And please don’t be a murderer!”

 

  1. Let’s Generalize About Men

Episode: Josh’s Ex-Girlfriend Wants Revenge

Characters: Rebecca Bunch (Rachel Bloom), Paula Proctor (Donna Lynne Champlin), Heather Davis (Vella Lovell), Valencia Perez (Gabrielle Ruiz)

A female led power ballad about how much all men totally suck? I’m in.

Best line: “Let’s take one bad thing about one man, And then apply it to all of them”

 

  1. I Have Friends

Episode: I Hope Josh Comes to My Party!

Characters: Rebecca Bunch (Rachel Bloom) feat. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast

I regularly consider making this my ring tone.

Best line: Grocery clerk with half an eyelid!

 

  1. The Sexy Getting Ready Song

Episode: Josh Just Happens to Live Here!

Characters: Rebecca Bunch (Rachel Bloom)

This is the song that sold me on the whole show. It’s honest yet funny, with hilarious lines and excellent production value. Body rolls are hard.

Best line: “Fluffin’ and flouncin’, Gigglin’ and ladyin’, The sexy getting ready song.”

 

  1. You Stupid Bitch

Episode: That Text Was Not Meant for Josh!

Characters: Rebecca Bunch (Rachel Bloom)

There was a time where this was my favourite CXG song, as it’s just so brutal and honest. Bloom has spoken about how vulnerable she felt writing and performing it on the commentary album, as it exposed some of her darkest thoughts about herself.

Best line: “You ruined everything, You stupid, stupid bitch. You’re just a lying little bitch, who ruins things and wants the world to burn.”

  1. Rebecca’s Reprise

Episode: Can Josh Take A Leap Of Faith?

Characters: Rebecca Bunch (Rachel Bloom)

Rebecca’s reprise in the season 2 finale feels like the end to the first big chapter in CXG, Rebecca’s love and obsession with Josh, but also opened up some of her bigger issues that would be explored in future episodes, such as her lack of self worth without love.

Best Line: “cause my daddy will love me, and then in a wonderful way, everything in the past, will just fall away.”

  1. What’ll It Be?

Episode: My First Thanksgiving with Josh!

Characters: Greg Sarrano (Santino Fontana)

What”ll it be perfectly sums up Greg’s character, is beautifully written and sung, and a wonderful homage to Piano Man. We can hear his frustration at his place in life, physically and mentally.

Best line: “Hey, West Covina, Why won’t you let me break free?”

 

  1. Buttload of Cats

Episode: Trent?!

Characters: Rebecca Bunch (Rachel Bloom)

Rebecca decides that the universe has spoken and it’s time to accept spinster, so what better accessory for a life of loneliness than a furry feline? There’s also a NSFW version.

Best line: “Why have cats, over time, become, Synonymous with loneliness?”

 

  1. West Covina

Episode: Josh Just Happens to Live Here!

Characters: Rebecca Bunch (Rachel Bloom)

The song that started it all. It’s a big sparkly Broadway number with a giant pretzel that introduces us to Rebecca’s rose tinted glasses. And Josh just happens to live here.

Best line: “‘Cause I’m hopefully, desperately in love with… West Covina!”

 

  1. It Was a S*** Show

Episode: When Will Josh and His Friend Leave Me Alone?

Characters: Greg Sarrano (Santino Fontana)

Greg leaves. It was the worst episode ever because Greg left. But what a beautiful song he left us with. (He appeared later in the episode as Ghost Greg for I Tapped That Ass)

Best line: ” I won’t forget, I won’t regret, This beautiful, heart stopping, breathtaking, life changing….”

 

  1. Settle For Me

Episode: I’m Going on a Date with Josh’s Friend

Characters: Greg Sarrano (Santino Fontana) and Rebecca Bunch (Rachel Bloom)

The dancing, the twirling, the old school Hollywood feel. It’s such a wonderful song that goes with CXG’s anti rom com feel. Why go for the guy you want, when you can go for the guy who’s right here?

Best line: “Yes, Josh is a dream, but I’m right here in flesh and blood and self-hate. Settle for me! In a sad way, darling, it’s fate.”

 

  1. Season One Opening Credits

Episode: Season One Opening Credits

Characters: Rebecca Bunch (Rachel Bloom) and company

For me, it’s up there in the best theme songs of all time. The show later mixed it up and went with a new theme every season. They worked with the evolution of the show, but this original is just SO good and captures all the elements of season one.

Best line: She’s so broken inside!