Geeklings, it is with great excitement that I will be handling the Realm this year for the seventh season of Game of Thrones. That’s right, I’ll be here each and every week reviewing new episodes with the same dedication that Arya devotes to her list (The Hound, Cersei, Joffery, Ilyn Payne, The Mountain…sorry got a little too dedicated there). No that doesn’t mean I’m going to be serving people pies each week, I neither have the time nor the patience to skin Freys, but I will be breaking down all the newest events while presenting you with all my theory goodness. Anyone who has read my reviews before knows I have plenty of theories to go around. Needless to say, I am a wee bit over the top about being able to talk Game of Thrones with you this season.
Now, with the season only three weeks away, I’ve never been more excited for a winter in July, I thought that it might be time to reacquaint ourselves with the comings and goings of Westeros. Which lead to a Tyrion-sized problem. There are a ton of things going on in Westeros and if I wrote one preview piece either my fingers would fall off while typing or you’d go blind half way through. None of us want that. I take very little Ramsay Bolton esq enjoyment out of pain which lead me to this idea. Let’s just break this thing down one corner of the map at a time. So my friends welcome to Part I of my three-part Game of Thrones season preview. That’s right, we’re going to play the hype game strong over here.
I have chosen to start my preview in the North with our new King Jon Snow because he’s my favorite and I’m writing the column. Last season ended on a bit of a high note for Jon which is something we’re not really accustomed to, you know, with all the stabby stabs and wilding undercover work. Fors starter he was victorious in the Battle of the Bastards ridding the world of dog lover extraordinaire Ramsay Bolton, surviving the North’s worst mosh pit, and completing a battle that would make William Wallace say, “damn”. How does one get rewarded for such valor, well, you get endorsed by Lyanna Mormont, and become the new King of the North. Oh, my friends, the North remembers and things are looking up for everyone’s favorite bastard who also happens to be part Targaryan. Whaaaaaaat?! Oh come on, you didn’t really think Ned was his father did you?
Are things really looking up though? This is Game of Thrones so we know that optimism isn’t really a noun that gets a lot of coverage. Anytime anyone gets a crown in this universe it usually results in a whole lot of bad or a whole lot of dead. Just look at our last king. That poor kid performed the world’s craziest trust fall and went splat (thanks, mom). Jon’s brother Rob took part in the realm’s ugliest wedding reception and Renly got killed by a baby ghost demon. If it were me, I’d walk away from any crown that was offered. No thanks, I like living and hate ghost demons. Thanks though.
With the crown comes a whole new bunch of problems for Jon. For starters, Little Finger has firmly inserted himself in the ear of Sansa which can only lead to terrible things as I suspect her to be one of the biggest problems this season. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all types of excited to see the character grow from her love of lemon cakes but there has always been this naivety to Sansa that results in crappy things happening to those closest to her. While she is still learning how to play the game I don’t think she really understands it yet, and with Little Finger and his excessive amount of rings chirping in her ear, she’s bound to do something that’s going to screw up the universe. Because make no mistake about it, Westeros needs Jon Snow. It does not need Sansa Stark or Little Finger.
The problem is Little Finger has been playing a slow game since season one and I expect his role to expand as we near the finish line. I’ve often wondered if this show would boil down, like the Bolton’s flayed man, to a battle between Little Finger and Varys. It seems that both have been playing the same game where as Varys has wanted to do what’s best for the realm no matter what friendships or bonds that compromises while Little Finger just wants the realm no matter who he has to throw out of a moon door to get it. Clearly, Sansa has been his biggest piece on the board and if he can get her to usurp her half brother then he might finally be in a position to make a movie on the Iron Throne. Little Finger’s intentions are clear, he wants to marry Sansa and take claim to the North. Hell, what’re three marriages before your twenty Sansa. Once the North is secured, Little Finger might be able to challenge Kings Landing and use his super brain powers to takes a seat on that uncomfortable looking piece of metal.
This is why Sansa becomes so important Geeklings. Put aside Little Fingers need to put his little fingers on her, but I worry Sansa thinks she can match wits with him. No, no she can’t. I’d prefer if she spent the entirety of the season eating lemon cakes and talking about princess she’d like to date. Don’t you screw this up Sansa because there are bigger things afoot other than the Iron Throne. There’s an army of dead people being lead by an icicle creature and no one else in the Kingdom, besides Jon Snow, seems to care about that.
The war with the White Walkers has been the shows slowest burn and each season they have wet my appetite for it more and more. It has now come to the point where this war is inevitable and the North is clearly undermanned for this. The Wall doesn’t even have a Lord Commander currently and there aren’t enough bodies there to cover it any way. The Wildlings all followed Jon for his pursuit of Winterfell leaving a ragtag bunch of Crows to hold the fort. Is it possible that the Night King knows how unprepared the Wall currently is for a strike? I wouldn’t doubt it. This guy seems to be five steps ahead of everyone. You don’t get to arrogantly throw your arms up in the “come at me bro” pose if you’re not confident that you’re winning the war.
We know from the latest trailer that Jon Snow leads an army beyond the wall looking for a fight. What we don’t know is if it’s because the White Walkers have struck first or Jon thinks it’s time to take action. While Sansa could be his biggest foil this season, a decision to take on the White Walkers without uniting the entire Kingdom could be Jon Snow’s undoing. I appreciate his urgency and understanding of what’s happening beyond the Wall but you can’t bring a handful of Wildlings to a zombie fight. You’re going to lose. Granted bringing the Hound and Beric Dondarrion and his lightsaber like fire sword is a good start but it’s not enough. Sure Bran and his super warg powers are cool too but last time he met the Night King he got owned and we lost Hordor… Hordor. I also get that Tormund is the equivalent of five men… maybe ten, but still not enough. Also as a side note, if Tormund dies I riot. My man just got a pop vinyl figure.
I could see Jon sending out Davos, possible Hand of the King alert, to the other parts of the Kingdom brokering peace and trying to unite them in their common enemy that no one else believes in. Good luck pitching that shiz to Cersei. But I honestly think that this war will be the major story arc for season eight and chances will deminish until a certain Mother of Dragons decides to join the fight. A song of ice and fire after all.
Aaaaaaannnndddd that’s where I’m going to leave you for today. I feel that we covered a lot of ground today and your eyes and head might need a little time to process. Like I said, we’re going to take this nice and easy as the season continues to approach. I’m going to turn this over to you Geeklings. What do you think? Is Jon Snow not only the King we need but the King we deserve? Is Sansa going to screw everything up? Is Little Finger the major threat? Is the Night King in the best position to win this war? Sound off in the comments below or you can find me on Twitter @iamgeek32 to talk all things Game of Thrones. Until next week, remember the night is dark and full of terrors so believe in the buddy system.
Images and gifs from HBO